Powered By Blogger

Sunday, 16 December 2012

I AM A MASS MURDERER

V.S.Gopalakrishnan

I admit to being a mass murderer and I will explain if you have the patience. I don’t do it often. It happens when I am impatient or something has to be rushed.

Are vegetarians capable of indulging in mass murders? Hitler was a vegetarian, and I am also a vegetarian. He was a teetotaler and I am also very nearly there except that I like to drink some port wine occasionally. He was a non-smoker like me. And he was a painter too like me! So, Hitler and I are the same types!  And we both are mass murderers! He killed 6 million Jews mostly in his gas chambers! How does one have a “vegetarian heart” to digest that? Rather a non-vegetarian be and not kill anyone, right?

I admit I am a bit disorganized, although organized for the most part. A part of my disorganization consists in my carrying my coffee tumbler to the computer table in my bedroom. There is no fun in drinking coffee alone at the dining table, you will agree. The coffee is drunk slowly as I pound the keyboard or browse, and then the empty tumbler lies unattended for a few hours on the computer table! Can you imagine then the fate of the tumbler? The tumbler gets infested with hundreds, if not thousands of ants!

These ants are very very tiny and are nothing like the ants I have grown with as a young boy ages ago in Chennai. The Chennai small ants were bigger yet, either brown with a fierce bite (which would invite my immediate retaliation with murder) or the black ones walking and running around softly without a “sting attached”. Of course, huge black biting ants were to be seen too, mostly on the outdoors, biting you just when you were about to pluck a mango after climbing the mango tree.

Two hours after my coffee drinking, when I am about to clear the tumbler, meaning the act of depositing of the same in the kitchen sink, I find myself unable to touch the tumbler which is infested with the tiny, tiny ants. Some of them are dead, soaked into the coffee layer at the bottom of the vessel. I wonder again, rather everytime, as to how the ants gather like this at short notice. Do they permanently live in my bedroom behind the computer table? I have no idea! What happens to these ants when I go out of town for a few days?

I notice that the maid Gauri has come. She would have to wash the tumbler but I hesitate to kill the hundreds of ants. There is a Buddha cum Mahavira in me! Let the tumbler lie till ants finish with their drunken deed and either disappear or get dead in the vessel! I cannot tell you how many lakhs of ants I have saved from Gauri’s kitchen wash-basin mass murder!

But there are occasions I have been impatient. I hate it when a tiny cockroach sometimes sneaks into the tumbler to give company to ants. I rush the tumbler immediately straight to the bathroom wash basin and give it a soak under running waters. The most definitive idea is to get rid of the repugnant little cockroach. But in this process I do the mass murder of ants! I hate that murder business. I wonder how these tiny cockroaches exist despite periodical application of the “Kokron” powder. What do these creatures live upon when I am not in the house? Thankfully, it would seem that these ugly, hateful insects are not many. Assume you have hundreds of cockroaches coming into the tumbler instead of hundreds of ants. God, I would have quit the house. That way God seems to know his numbers!

Why are we all averse to cockroaches? Perhaps, some are not, particularly some South East Asians who eat them. But we Indians hate these creatures. To an extent house lizards control the roaches and surely lizards are more welcome in the house than the cockroaches. I am aware that our gentler sex is prone to jumping on the stools at sighting lizards close at hand.

My killer methods at bigger roaches, which now seem nonexistent in the house, have been many. I have tried boiling water if ready. That sounds barbaric I know. Sometimes an old shoe comes in handy. The squashed thing leaves an unsightable mess, however. Neem oil is effective too – just a sprinkle on the body sends the insect to heaven. Good old Flit was good as long as it lasted.

After my morning coffee and evening coffee, I often think of removing the tumbler at once. But the trouble is that the thought is not followed up by action. So, my mass murdering occasionally of hundreds of ants continues while I also conscientiously do save lakhs of ants from premature death which I am capable of dispensing!

There are 22000 species of ants and 4500 species of cockroaches, and I would like to know why God went for such large variety.

================

No comments:

Post a Comment